I'm thankful for ...

It's not Thanksgiving or anything. But I've just been having the most blessed days of my life that I can't help but stop to reflect on all of the wonderful and amazing parents, boyfriend, brother, puppy, and friends that fill me up with so much love and support in everything I do.

So, Thank you. I can only hope that my future days will be lived to emulate what you've shown me, given me.

from the deepest place in my heart,

mj

p.s. I love you, mommy! Happy belated mother's day <3

Sentimental air becomes so thick,

I can't wait to breathe again. Although, I couldn't really compare this semester with any others; it has been the most demanding, yet the most tolerable one yet. It's all thanks to my supportive souls, life wouldn't be bearable without you. It's just that time really has been passing by at an incredible speed, I can't seem to grasp the idea that my college years are coming to a close so soon.

I guess it'll soon be time for another chapter of my life to unfold, and my preparedness and willingness will determine the outlook of it all.

So am I ready?

I've got my guns blazing. What's up, chulo?

mj

I'm heavy like sugar,

My eyes are puffy tonight, again.

No words come to mind, to describe my state of affairs at the moment. Too many emotions. And soon enough, this will all pass too.

All I want is to be myself. And not feel like I have to explain myself. And never feel sorry for who I am.

That is all,

mj

P.S. And for Shinjie to live forever with me.

Insecurity sucks.

mj

Wake me up when September ends -

Seriously. I do not want to be awake this month. 

It's been too much of an exhaustion. I hate to say this but I'm really not strong enough to handle so much heart-wringing. Does that even make sense? [sigh] I've never felt so ugly in my life. I'm sure people around me can probably smell the ugly, the sad on me.

But as much as I loathe that I've been waking up with puffed-up red eyes every morning, there isn't anywhere else I'd rather be but home. I just need a mental break, that's all. 

No more snotting & no more tear marks, please.

Thanks,

mj

Lowest

It's the way I never fail to become vulnerable to things like these. Do I ever learn my lessons? Apparently, I am no good at that either. So then what am I ever good for? So hopeless. Pitiful.

But it's okay; eventually I would have hurt too much for too many times to let myself down like that again. Eventually, I will grow cold-hearted, just like you; whether or not you will even be there in the end.

... I was having a perfectly good day too, damn it. A Friday that I have been waiting all week to spend time with my boyfriend, my puppies and friends. Leave it to my brain-dead logic to spoil it all.

Ugh, I sicken myself sometimes. I need to work on that. It's exhausting.

It'll get better, I hope,

mj

P.S. 11:11pm <3